I'm not talking about a slow cooker!

Life dishes out quite a bit of surprises doesn't it? If you are like me, you walk around trying your very best not to have your heart hurt anymore than it has to.

Doesn't life break your heart though?

There are disappointments, losses and surprises that knock you off your feet. What do you do?
You stand up, dust yourself off, put the smile back on you face and keep walking.
As you are walking though, those hurts leave you feeling vunerable and wanting to protect yourself next time.
You try to make new plans. Plans that will help heal you, propel you forward and bring the satisfaction you have been searching for. How do you do that in a guarded, safe way?

Short answer: You can't.

I would so love more room for our family of 6. The problem is this, I love my house and my neighborhood. I enjoy my ward(church congregation) and the conveniences near to where I live. Who could ask for more? Except for maybe an extra room or two. 3 kids in a room can be a bit tight. A few weeks after sweet Jane was born, a house went on sale down the street. Literally down the street. A house with 4 bedrooms instead of 3(like we have now). After taking a walk through, Scott and I talked it over and we decided that we might like to buy it. We decided on an offer price. It was lower than the asking price, but not completely out of the question, especially considering it was a bank owned, outdated home(we had big plans for the update:)). It was rejected, but we kept our cool, thinking that it wouldn't ever go for the asking price. We decided that we could maybe offer a little more, but since our realtor had said that Fannie Mae properties usually drop the asking price after 30 days, we thought we would wait until then. We knew we were taking a risk waiting, but we reasoned that if the asking price were a bit lower, we might have a better chance.

While we watched the house and hoped for a lower price, I told myself that living in that house would be nice, but I wouldn't get emotionally wrapped up in it. I wasn't going to let myself care about it.

What a crock!

In the secret recesses of my mind and heart, ideas were taking hold.

I found myself thinking about all the happy hours my kids could spend in that big back room. It would make the perfect playroom.

Cool Autumn evenings unwinding with Scott on the covered back patio. It is huge and did I mention it is covered. That is essential, as it rains a ton here.

The kids watching Saturday morning cartoons downstairs, instead of in the next room, like they do now.(while Scott and I snuggle and snooze)

My kids running through the grass in the backyard that can be seen from the kitchen window.

Most of the time though, I tried not to think about these things. I was steeling myself against any disappointment that might come from falling in love with the house. It was outdated with lots of work to do to make it nice. The family room was even smaller than the one we have now. The master bathroom had hideous tile on the floor that would definitely have to go. There was an ugly, dried out water feature in the back, that needed to be ripped out. I could almost convince myself that it didn't matter if we didn't get it.

What a crock!

A couple of days ago, our realtor informed us that this house was under contract.

Somebody else saw the same diamond in the rough. I had mistakenly believed that I was the only one with vision. When I first found out, I was cool as a cucumber. "Oh well", I said to myself, "it probably went for more than we were willing to pay. Who wants more house to clean? It wouldn't really be all that great anyway."

What a crock!

That night, I found silent tears sneaking down my face as I told myself that next time, I REALLY won't care and that's a crock too.